Ammu on Bengt

I want to document my memories of Bengt Eric Meynert, my Swedish husband, who passed away on the 2nd of March 2009 because of cancer.

I met Bengt through Ashok and Leela. Bengt and I started writing to each other with the intention of seeing if we could like each other enough to get married. I was working at GB Pant University of Agriculture and Technology at Pant Nagar in India.

After 1 and 1/2 years of correspondence  Bengt invited me to spend summer vacations with him in Sweden.  He sent me the ticket. I arrived in Copenhagen in my sari and a huge suitcase and cabin bag.

Before this Kunjachayan had already visited Bengt to whet him out  and had highly recommended  him.

My first impression of Bengt was a tall blue eyed blond haired Viking, hair bleached almost white. Bengt reminded me of my Profession and Supervisor, Dr Suresh Chandra Shukla,  at Jamia Millia Islamia where I was teaching and doing my PhD..

Any way I had been fed well on the plane and taken care off by a German journalist in Frankfurt who offered to carry my cabin bag because I was struggling with my Sari. We drove from Copenhagen to Yngsjo in his old Volvo which was nearly vintage.  I enjoyed the ride, talked a bit and then fell asleep.

I woke up as we drove into the Yngsjo cottage. Bengt jumped out and opened the door to the boot to let out the  dog, a Schnauzer called RABALDER, a Greek name. The dog immediately came up to me and wagged his tail and adopted me.

The cottage was beautiful something nearly out of Nainital, Shimla and Ooty. I was shown my pink room that Bengt kept for his guests. Soon I was taken for a walk in the Pine forest and the beach which was 3 minutes from the cottage. After a hearty meal - a fish pie, Bengt said signature dish, I fell into deep slumber.

The next 3 days passed swiftly and on the 4th day Bengt asked me to marry him. We went to the jeweler and bought 2 engagement rings with our names on each of them and exchanged them. The engagement was announced in the local newspaper.

I was to discover  later that Bengt was a well known man in this little town of Kristianstad, which had known him as a politician a few years ago, when he was the Liberal Folk Party leader  and leader of the right wing opposition to the Social Democratic municipality government. Now he was only a University teacher in Organizational Theory and a single handed sailor.

I went sailing for the first time on his yellow coloured yacht called “Savage Girl”. It was an exercise in balancing  on the boat that was rocking on Sea waves and throwing up.

Later I visited the town museum that housed local historical artefacts worth displaying; stayed with his brother Lennart´s family at an elite summer town called Bostad; visited his communist friend Lars Hansson and his family and finally went to a exclusive Swedish wedding of a colleague.

I returned to India engaged to be married to Bengt after 1 month and married Bengt after 6 months at the Parliament Street Free Church in Delhi. There were only 300 invites - immediate family and friends.

The honeymoon was travels to Taj Mahal, Khajuraho, Ahmedabad to  Ajanta and Ellora caves and finally Goa where we ate delicious King Prawns and Crabs and Lobsters.

I  arrived in Sweden to stay in February of 1985 and am still here in 2018- During this time I had to learn Swedish language which I mastered after 25 years. Went sailing with Bengt and his friends from Auhus to 3/4th way to Stockholm, found my sea legs and socialised every evening with sailing friends  I joined Lund University for PHD programme in Education.

In between I got a job with Swedish Foreign Affairs social action department,  the prestigious Swedish International Development Agency SIDA, in Addis Ababa,  Ethiopia as a Bilateral Associate Expert in a Women's Pilot Project.

Rest of the time I studied, worked,  wrote a book, attended conferences around the world and lived mostly a calm postmodern life between Lund and Yngsjo. After Bengt passed away in 2009, I have taken over the cottage and worked for a living.

Sweden is rewarding in certain ways - I learnt about wines  and international cuisine,  travelled to 32 countries, interacted with European discourses and did things I would not have done from India.

 I am now at cross roads not knowing whether to return back to India to my people after I retire or stay on and depend on the Swedish state in my old age.

Did I forget to say that Sweden is a Welfare State where poverty is not visible anymore. Schooling, University and Medical care is free.

Ammu on Maggiemamma

I have seen a photo of Maggiemamma carrying both me and Leela standing in Hailey Lane Delhi, where she lived with mummy and daddy and was studying at an elite college called Lady Irwin College. I was to later do my university studies here too.

I heard from Leela that after her Diploma in Home Science Maggie mama and Leela went to Kerala and stayed with Valiammachy and Valliapachen at Theepany for a year. Maggiemama  taught sewing at Nicholson school and later married Mathukuttychayan who was an eligible bachelor with an Engineering degree. We used to visit Maggiemama at Pallom where Mathukuttychayan was posted.

I came to know Maggiemama well after mummy came to live in Amalloor and mathukuttychayan  and Maggiemama lived at kuttapuzha. After appachen´s death mummy was alone and Maggiemama and Mathukuttychayan took care of her and visited her.

Maggiemama had a great sense of humour and took off on everyone including mathukuttychayan with his fetish for cleanliness. Her 3 sons - Thomachen, SAJAN and Thambi used to entertain us when we visited them with their Radio Kuttapuzha commentary of our visit.

Maggiemama was very important to mummy and later to me. I visited her and chatted with her while helping her in her kitchen. Those were desperate days when I was still not married despite efforts of all to bring eligible and ineligible bachelor´s to our notice.

I write what I recall vividly. Mercy was the beauty with voice of a bird, who later married Abbi and went to live in Mumbai. Sajan became a Naval Architect, Thomachen an Orthopaedic surgeon and Thambi an Associate Professor at St Stephens College in Delhi.

Mercy , Abbi and their children, Rajiv and Rita  are in Canada at this moment. I should be visiting and staying with them in Toronto in July 2018, when I go there for a Sociology Congress.

Ammu on Chackochayan

Chackochayan stayed with mummy and daddy at Hailey Road in Delhi when he came for an interview with the Police and stayed on for training. He and Maggiemama were probably  there with them together. Hailey Road was in Bengali Market where early malayalee settlers lived in Delhi in the early 50s.Mummy always kept in touch with everyone after they left and started their own families.
My 1st memory  of Chackochayan was when we visited them in Trivandrum after his marriage to Leelammai and when Reggie was an infant. I remember eating the top of a coconut tree that fell down in their neighbours compound in a storm.

Next I remember him when he came with Reggie to Delhi when he came for a months training.
In between Reggie lives with us and studies at St Thomas prep school and later joins his nuclear family in when Chackochayan got posted to Goa

Then Chackochayan  shifted to Delhi for several years where he retired as a director of police.
Amminikutty started studying at St Thomas which was nearly a family school because Leela. I, my paternal cousins Veena, Mary and Bessie and Reggie and Amminikutty studied.

Chackochayan used to bring Amminikutty everyday to school on his Lambretta and visit us in the morning and have coffee and a chat. Those were my Youth for Christ (YFC) days and I and Chackochayan were always talking about existential questions. I remember Chackochayan pulling me out of my crazy religious fervour and bringing down to earth.

Then in 1978 while I was working as a Lecturer  in Education  at Jamie Milliamp Islamic,  I fell out with my landlord Mr Nair who was a lawyer when I was living in a room above the garage in Niti Bagh. Mr Nair did not approve of my young Dhobi having tea at my little bed sitter and made  intrusive  comments. I was hurt and told Chackochayan who said I should come and live with them at RK Puram. So I lived with Leelammai and Chackochayan, George and Amminikutty for 3 years till I shifted to Pant Nagar to work as Assistant Professor at the Home Science College at the GB Pant university of Agriculture and Technology. Reggie was by then working in the State Bank of India in Madhya Pradesh.

I met Bengt while at Pant Nagar and visited Sweden for the 1st time before my marriage to Bengt.  I went from Chackochayan´s house where I used to come for holiday visits. I have had great dinner at their Asiana house too while I visited india from Sweden.

Now that Chackochayan is in Alwaye, I enjoy my visits to his home. We,talk 19 to the dozen about religious matters and eat at Leelammai's always full and varied table.

I have seen George and Amminikutty grow up and now they are both in Alwaye and doing well.
REGGIE I know also apart from chackochayan family.

Last time I visited Alwaye, Chackochayan had slowed down a bit, and was mostly relaxing and enjoying sleeping. He made a special effort while I was there and as always sent me to Delhi with his prayers and blessings. I hear chackochayan has picked up after his recent medical problem. I am hoping I will be meeting and enjoying Chackochayan+s company many more years still.

Ammu on Kunjachayan

KUNJACHAYAN is a star. He is the grey eminence of CMC - Vellore.  He is also the most brilliant of the Tiruvalla parepedicail family.

A D.PHIL in Physiology from Oxford and an MBBS and a MD from CMC Vellore in Physiology he became the Head of the Physiology Department  at CMC Vellore, a pro-Dean and pro-VC and a permanent board member of the CMC Vellore.

I remember Kunjachayan from my childhood, when he suddenly turned up after his Oxford education at Theepany. He taught us chess and Western table manners - we were allowed only cooked joints on the table and all elbows off. Our leisurely unmonitored holidays were over,

He was quite strict. We visited  Kunjachayan at Vellore before he was married and when he was the warden of the boys hostel. There was some indiscipline and kunjachayan looked and acted very stern with the male medical students.

He used to visit us on Delhi on the way to the West where he travelled to collect money for CMC Vellore. I remember going with Kunjachayan to the latest discotheque called “The Cellar” at Connaught Place with Leela. We left after sitting there for 20 minutes and reading the menu which was far too expensive for us and ended up a the Tibetan restaurant at Majnu ka Tila in old delhi where we drank soup and ate noodles for peanuts. Kochanamma kochamma may have been too happy with our Cellar visit.

Kunjachayan was instrumental in my marrying Bengt from Sweden.  Actually my marriage to Bengt was partly arranged by Ashok and partly a love story. After being introduced to Bengt by Ashok  we had a 2 year correspondence to get to know each other.

Then Bengt invited me to Sweden and talked of marriage.  I was not sure of western men so  I sent kunjachayan to Sweden when he was visiting Europe for Vellore to whet out Bengt. Kunjachayan crossed over to Sweden and was collected by Bengt at Copenhagen and spent  3 days with Bengt, where Kunjachayan tasted Bengt´s cooking - ate steak and drank Cognac with coffee. Kunjachayan  came back with glorious reports of Bengt and supported the match.

Following summer vacations I visited Bengt in Sweden and met his relatives and friends and got engaged. We were married on the 8th of December of 1984, after Prime Minister Indira Gandhi had been assassinated by her sentry. Of course kunjachayan was the master of ceremony at my wedding and introduced Bengt to everyone in his speech. Bengt was greatly appreciated by my friends in Delhi.

After Mummy passed away, Leela became my surrogate home and kunjachayan and Ammai have become an important site to visit every year.

I enjoy my intellectual  exchanges with Kunjachayan and his and ammai ' s solicitations and feel emotionally fulfilled  like I used to, after my visits to mummy.

I am so happy and fortunate that I have both Chackochayan and Kunjachayan in my family with whom I can discuss existential issues, personal life and life in general. I have come to know Anand closely because of my visits to vellore. I also visited Santosh and Anuja in Seattle for week in 2004, during my US travels.

Ammu on Johnychayan

I feel impelled  to recall my memories about Johnychayan and Thangammai. My first encounter with the Kuwait family was when we met them in Theepany during our summer vacations . We always got small gifts from Thangammai.

Leela's and mummy's  first nylon sari was a gift from Thakammai. Our first Radio  (Sony) was a gift from Johnychayan carried to Delhi from Kuwait. Daddy got a pin striped English suit length and finally all women in the Parepedicail family got a 3 sovereign gold bangle each.

Once Thangammai, Johnychayan  and Meera came to visit us in Delhi when we were living in Gole Market. We lived in a government bachelor's quarters type of lodging meant for single officers. Daddy had accepted this accommodation for his family of 4.  Mummy was so enterprising that she managed this accommodation for another 3 members during their visit.  It was not difficult because we slept outside on the lawn in summers.

Johnychayan took us to Moti Mahal restaurant in Kashmiri Gate for a dinner consisting of tandoori chicken,  Moti Mahal Urad-dal, Naans and salad.  We had such a luxurious meal and lots of fun.

Johnychayan generosity was unbound. When our Eraviperoor  house was to be sold because it became difficult for daddy to walk uphill from and to the marketplace from the house, Johnychayan immediately offered his house at Amalloor where ammachy and appachen spent many happy and comfortable years. It became the Tarawad home again, where everyone came for holidays and lived.

I have spent 1.month at Bangalore enjoying Thangammai' s hospitality, when I worked on a Planning Commission of India project with Devaki Jain.

Bobby's and Meera's hospitality, similar  to Johnychayan and Thangammai 's is unbound  and we always try to take a detour  to visit  them on our visits to the South.

My childhood was always kind of dominated by this family who lived and worked in Kuwait for the sheik no less.

Ammu on our life in Delhi and people who touched our lives

The Indo - Pak war happened when we were living at Gole Market and when Reggie was with us.  We dug trenches  and pasted brown paper on the glass windows to ensure that no light escaped our homes that could be detected by Pakistani bombers. When the siren sounded we would crouch  under the table lest a bomb would fall and send the ceilings crumbling down on to us and  thought that we would be protected by the table top. Those were frightening days.

My dad's brother Babypapen and his Tamilian Catholic wife Chellamamma are legendary figures who touched many lives with their hospitality. Many people including our family stayed at Minto Road with Babypapen when in need. Chellamama touched our lives with her kebabs and prawn pickle that she made and sold  at church fetes and to whom ever placed orders and ofcourse for her own table.  There was hardly any profit in these activities except affection and gratitude from the people. Chellamamma was also requested to run the Canteen at St Stephen´s hospital where Lucy aunty (Dr Lucy Ommen) was the Chief Medical officer and Director.

MINTO road was a place we would go to during Dussehra hindu festival around the Autumn school break, to see the street theatre processions of Ramayana. Chellamama had a child like personality and enjoyed this with us. Ammachy stayed away from the madding crowd. She was too refined for such plebeian activities.

Chakuttypapen my dad's youngest brother touched our lives when he had to leave Manipur where he was principal founder of a school for the tribal Nagas and his wife Annamamma also worked. Chakuttypapen had to leave Manipur in a hurry because he was identified with the Naga separatist movement.

They came and lived in Minto Road with Babypapen.  Chakuttypapen, Mary his daughter and I had a common interest on Basketball. He came for our practices and became patron of our club called Hoopsters. I was to become the Captain of the Delhi University Women's Basketball team in 1971 and be awarded the University Colour.

My cousin Mary later did her MBBS from the Armed Forces Medical College (AFMC) in Pune and marry Aroop Ray, a Bengali plastic surgeon she met at CMC Vellore, while doing her internship and lives in Glasgow. Both became consultants and Heads of Departments  of Pediatrics and plastic surgery and Skin, respectively.  Santosh knows them well when he was at Glasgow doing his PhD in Bio-Medicin.

I came away to Sweden and married a Swede, Bengt Eric Meynert who was a liberal party politician, a town councillor and Business Management teacher  at the Kristianstad University.

I started my PhD at Lund university and ended up with a Phil.Lic degree in Social Sciences and book on Childhood and Postmodernity, published  by Cambridge Scholars Publishers.

Leela a pediatrician ended up as a chief Medical Officer of a big dispensary in Mumbai and married Ashok - Palakunnathu George  Mathai, who retired as a very senior editor for Anand Bazaar Patrika. Their son Adit became a journalist  and is just now in between professions

My maternal cousin Reggie touched our lives when he came to live with us at Gole Market in Delhi, to study in an English medium school.

Reggie now is a farmer in Dahanu near Mumbai  growing  ecological Chikoo and drumsticks and other fruits and vegetables after being a banker and making his millions in Nigeria. His wife Mini is a journalist and a great cook and homemaker.

I have seen a photo of Maggie Kochamma carrying both me and Leela standing in the Hailey Lane cottage in Delhi, where she lived with mummy and daddy while studying at an elite college called Lady Irwin College, where I was to do my University studies too.

I heard from Leela that after her Diploma in Home Science Maggie mama and Leela went to kerala and stayed with Valiammachy and Valliapachen at Theepany for a year.

Maggiemama  taught sewing at Nicholson school and later married Mathukutty Chayan who was an eligible bachelor with an Engineering degree,

We used to visit Maggiemama at Pallom where Mathukutty Chayan was posted.

I came to know Maggiemama well after mummy came to live in Amalloor and mathukutty chayan  and Maggiemamma lived at Kuttapuzha. After appachen´s death mummy was alone and Maggiemamma and Mathukuttychayan took care of her and visited her.


Maggiemama had a great sense of humour and took off on everyone including mathukuttychayan with his fetish for cleanliness.

Her 3 boys - Thomachen, Sajan and Thambi  used to entertain us when we visited them with their Radio Kuttapuzha commentary of our visit.

Maggiemama was very important to mummy and later to me. I visited her and chatted with her while helping her in her kitchen. Those were the days when people were getting desperate because I was still unmarried and producing unsuitable matches for me.

I write what I remember vividly. Mercy was the beauty with voice of a bird, who later married Abbi, an engineer, and went to live in Mumbai.

Sajan became a Naval Architect,  Thomachen an Orthopaedic surgeon and Thambi an Associate Professor in Chemistry at St Stephen´s College in Delhi.

Mercy , Abbi and their children Rita and Rajiv are in Canada at this moment. I shall be visiting and staying with them in Toronto, where I am going to present a paper at the World Congress of the International Sociological Association in July 2018..

Sajan on travelling with Valliammachy to Tiruvalla

From my age of 5 to 10 we lived in Aluva, where my dad was posted. Every year during summer holidays, it was customary for all of us to travel to Tiruvalla to be with our grandparents, uncles, and cousins from both sides. Like all other children, we too looked forward for those days.


During one of those years, before the start of the summer holidays, Vallaimmachy was already with us at Aluva. The plan was that Valliammachy and we children would travel to Tiruvalla as soon as the schools closed for summer, and stay at Parepeedikayil house (the one near Pushpagiri Hospital). Appachen and Ammachy would join us at Tiruvalla a few weeks later or so. (This is how I remember it now. The actual details have left my memory.)

So Valliammachy and we kids started our journey by train to Tiruvalla on a hot and sultry day. We had a steel truck of clothes for all four children for a month of summer holidays. It was the steam engine driven train which used to be slow and dusty and smoky everywhere. The compartment was jam packed with passengers and kids of all hues, presumably travelling to their home town on holiday. We children were small and had no clue of anything and was looking at Valliammachy for all instructions. During this journey I still remember an incident where the steel window shutter came down heavily on a toddler who was fiddling with its latch. His loud scream that followed added to the pandemonium in the bogie.


Valliammachy, as we all remember was a great planner. She had already foreseen the scenario of her arrival at Tiruvalla railway station with four clueless children in tow. So she had written in advance to one of her nephews in Tiruvalla to come to the station to receive us all. This nephew's name was Kunj. I can't remember how he was related. I remember him to be actively involved in some Evangelical works. Maybe Kunjachayan can explain his link.

After about three long hours of journey, we reached Tiruvalla. The train stops at Tiruvalla station only for two minutes. By all probability, Valliammachy would have struggled to wriggle all four kids through the crowded passage and out of the train. She was happy to see her able assistant Kunj on the platform as planned. Exchange of pleasantries followed and the train's loud whistle marked its depatrure to the next station.


Suddenly Vallaimmachy realised that the steel trunk hadn't come out along with us. She rushed to the window side of the bogie asking the other passengers to pass it out. The train was jam packed and the box couldn't make its way to the door. The train had picked up speed by then.


What to do now? Valliammachy and four toddlers on summer holidays without a change of dress even for a day !!! What I am going to narrate next will bring out leadership and managerial skills of Valliammachy. Valliammachy didn't panic. She immediately decided the best course of action.

She told Kunj to quickly rush out of the station, take a taxi and rush to the next railway station, which was Chengannur, about 10 KM away. The taxis of those days were mostly the slow Morris Minor type. Kunj, an able bodied lad then, ran out as directed. We actually didn't see what transpired thereafter.


Left high and dry with no baggae, there was nothing else to do. So Valliammachy and the four kids took another taxi and reached Parepeedikayil house. After an hour or so, we saw a beaming Kunj arriving on his Ferrari taxi with the prized steel trunk. We learnt that the driver had driven at breakneck speed, overtaken the train and Kunj rushed to the platform of Chengannur station. The helpful fellow passengers in the bogie had by then managed to squeeze the steel trunk up to the compartment's door and held it high above the crowd for Kunj to spot it and retrieve.

Sajan on Valliammachy's bedtime stories

When we were small children, Valliammachy used to come visiting us and stay with us occasionally. Dinner time was also story time. We four children used to love her stories.

This is the story of a fisherman who had four or five sons. The fisherman used to take his boat to sea every evening and return with his catch. He was a specialist in catching very big fish. His wife then took the catch to the market and that was how then made a living.  His fishing techniques were not known to others.

All his sons were however useless boys who were only interested in loitering  around and did not help the father in earning for the family. So naturally, they didn't learn their father's fishing techniques. This saddened the parents much, but could not do much about it.

The fisherman was getting old and he grew worried about the future of his sons after his death. As years passed, there came a time when the old man could no longer go out fishing. He was now on his death bed. With no money to make the ends meet, he summoned his sons and told them that if they did not learn the art of fishing, there was no future for them. The sons realising their plight pleaded with their father to teach them his specialised fishing technique before he died. The fisherman agreed.

He told them to arrange a boat. They, along with the frail father, set sail out to the sea at dusk. The old man was too weak now and so he kept lying inside the boat and directed the sons on which direction to sail. It was pitch dark at night out at sea.

After they reached deep in the sea, the father told his sons to light a bright lantern on the boat. He then told his sons to carefully look out in all direction for any other lantern visible anywhere. If they spot another light anywhere around them it was a sign of danger. The boys did not understand how.

After a long wait, they suddenly saw the light of another lantern in the horizon. The father then screamed and directed the sons to row the boat with all their might towards the land. The other lantern was closing in at good speed. If that other light caught up with them, then all of them would be in danger of being killed. The boys struggled and rowed the boat towards the shore with all their might. Finally as they rammed their boat on the shore the other lantern was almost on them.

The father then shouted to the boys to pick him up and run towards the land. It was when they reached a safe distance that the boys realised that the other "lantern" was the reflection from the eyes of a whale. The whale seeing the light on their boat was attracted to it and was trying to catch up with it. It swan behind the boat at such speed that it ran ashore and got trapped on the beach.

It was then that the boys learned that this was the technique that their father used to catch big fish.

P Zachariah on his mother

Sajan’s account of the train journey with Ammachy brought to mind another heroic episode around Ammachy

“When I was about 10 the Parapeedikail House in Theepany would literally have been obliterated but for the heroic intervention of Ammachy. At this time, besides Chackochayan,  there were a couple of young men staying with us, one of whom was my cousin (on the Mavelikara side) Joychayan whose escapades would occupy another epic. Our main house at that time was thatched with coconut palm leaves laid over bamboo staves. So was the out house, at a higher level. This latter was originally where the family stayed in Theepany, including myself aged two and our cattle, around 1932. As the lower main house gradually got built up and the family moved there, the outhouse also kept growing with sections for storage and for dumping organic waste (including the burnt-out ash from the kitchen stoves transferred there daily) for composting.

One night after everyone was fast asleep, I woke up to a ruckus around the outhouse. Appachen and the young men were trying to dowse a fast spreading fire on the roof of the outhouse. But their efforts were far too meager and it looked as though the residence would also be engulfed. It was then that Ammachy intervened. She ran screaming like a banshee into the road in front of the house towards what is now the railway crossing nearby. She woke up the colony of stone cutters and all and sundry. And soon there were about twenty able bodied men tackling the fire till it came under control just at the edge of the thatch of the main house.

Ammachy gave them all black coffee (kattan kappi) and whatever victuals were available. It was almost dawn by the time that the fire fighters broke up and I went back to bed.

On closer examination next day the cause of the fire became clear. Some one had dumped the ash from the kitchen in the compost heap in the outhouse without dowsing it properly. It slowly smoldered through the day and spread later in the night.

My immediate childish reaction was embarrassment at my sedate mother running around in the middle of the night like a mad fisher woman. Later only I realised that she was the one who actually engineered effective and timely assistance.

P Zachariah on his father

P Zachariah, March 9th, 2018


Mathan’s note about Ammachy reminds me of one special aspect of Appachen which obviously Ammachy also affirmed.


Appachen belonged to the Kotturethu family. They are very proud of their patriarchal lineage and celebrate it with an annual family get together in Changannoor. But Appachen himself seems to have had a distinct matrilineal leaning.


The persons he was most attached to in his generation in the family were his oldest sister Pallikkal Ammachy in Vadaserikara, and her husband. She was quite a matriarch and her husband the equivalent of the Panchayat president. Appachen would visit them whenever possible cycling about 50 km, the last half quite uphill.  She had six daughters in a row till her only son emerged. She must have been near 40 by then when she had her last daughter, Deenamma, afflicted with Down’s Syndrome. All these daughters were very close to us, particularly three whose families were quite intertwined with ours, now going down to their own grandchildren.


Appachen’s other older sister was married to Varkey Achen of the Mar Thoma church. Being a pastor in the back waters area around Edathuaa, he was generally of limited means and Appachen was particularly conscious of this. This Ammachy passed away in the 1920s leaving three sons and one daughter. Appachen felt personally responsible for them. The oldest, Avarachayan (K V Abraham) was practically the oldest son in Tiruvalla. So much so that when Appachen passed away without leaving a will, Ammachy entrusted the partition of our limited assets to him. (Mathan is the second son of Avarachayan). The only daughter of that family Aleykutty kochamma was definitely the oldest daughter in Tiruvalla. It was there that her future husband M S Cherian came to meet her and hers was the first marriage in Tiruvalla family. It was to Tiruvalla that she came to for her first confinement. I was just about four years then and assumed that this little girl naturally “belonged” with us. As was the custom, the father’s family came on the 56th day to take away the mother and child. There was quite a celebration, with Palakad Achen (Appachen’s youngest brother) conducting the baptism and naming at home. When the visitors left with the child, I let let out a huge howl which is part of the family lore. The other two sons from Edathuaa equally “belonged” in Tiruvalla.


Appachen’s younger sister Rosamma kochamma was married to Mr. Thomas, the Registrar in Trivandrum, quite an important official. They had nine children in a row. Running such a home in the capital city was quite a challenge which was totally left to the mother. In her tenth confinement she died of postpartum hemorrhage after delivering Oonniemon. Appachen felt particularly responsible for this family. Oonnie came to Tiruvalla when he was five days old and naturally became the youngest son in Tiruvalla. He somehow survived a very stormy infancy, with chronic diarhoea on artificial feeds, a very arduous time for Ammachy who was also looking after her aging widower father. All the younger children from Trivandrum would come to Tiruvalla for their summer vacation. When it was over, Appachen would arrange for their wardrobe for the next year. The second oldest son of that family got a job in Tiruvalla and stayed with us for quite a few years till he got married.


Clearly, Appachen and Ammachy took their role as Ammaachen and Ammai with utmost faithfulness.

Ammu on her mother

Ammu, March 8th 2018

To me ​my mother​ became very important when I used to visit ​I​ndia with my students of ​the University course "​​D​evelopment studies with reference to ​India​"​.

The students ca​m​e to ​I​ndia during summer vacations and worked at ​C​o​i​mbatore ​U​niversity and villages near by for their field work. After 1 month th​ey​ went back and I stayed over to spend time with​ Mummy​.​.

Ammachy lived at Amma​lloor​ after we sold off our house at ​E​raviparoor. She also had a tenant -​  the Ubadeshi 's family​ who took care of her.​.

She and I spent quality time talking. Every morning amma​c​hy would bring coffee to my bed to wake me.

I arranged a telephone for her at Amalloor and took the auto with her to visit chakuttypapen and Annamamma at kuryanoor.​ Mummy could visit them only when we visited her. Chackuttypappen came for his weekly visit to Amalloor to see if ammachy needed any help. So did ​Mathukuttychayan. Jaya and Thomachen came every Sunday to pick her up for Church and lunched together.  Ammachy drew good luck to herself because she was such a good person.

I used to go back emotionally recovered from India back to Sweden after this visit.

When amma​c​hy passed away I could not get away to ​I​ndia and Leela managed everything ​i​n ​D​elhi.  But ​I ​remember smelling sweet smell of roses ​(thats how good clean spiritual energies smell) ​in my flat the next night after her funeral. ​This energy was gentle and palpable.  Over time I have matured spiritually and developed the ability to sense subtle energies on occassions. ​My spiritual friends told me it ​could​ have been ​mummy´s​ spirit which came to visit me and bid me goodbye.

I have since then, experienced ammachy´s spiritual energy at my cousin Bessy´s home in Norway. Why?​ I also sense watchful energies (often Bengt´s) in my vicinity, probably because I live alone.

Always when I experience my personality in different ways, I can trace it to some ​personality ​qualit​ies​ in ​my ​appachen and ammachy.​ I experience a lot of similarities between Leela and me also - our voices being one and our way of being.​

Mercy on Valliammachy

Mercy, March 5th, 2018

I don’t have many memories of my grandfather. But my mother would tell me that when I was around three years old and we visited my grand parents, my grandfather would take me for walks in the evening. One day, it was raining, but I wanted to go for my evening walk and I started crying. My grandfather felt bad for me and took me for a walk despite the rain under his big umbrella.

Velliammachi, I have a better recollection. Whenever she would visit us at Palam or Alwaye, I had the privilege of sleeping with her in the same bed. I also remember her sitting in the kitchen while my mother cooked and she would chat with my mother about life around us. I was a small girl then and so they would forget I was there.  I remember it to be so much fun just listening to them.

Another memory of Velliammachi,  was her strong faith and care for the wellbeing of us children. At our bed time, I remember her kneeling next to us, placing her hands on our heads and praying fervently for us.

At Kutapuzha, when she came and stayed with us, we would go for long walks together. We would walk very slowly due to her age and heart problems. Frequently, we would meet someone and we would stop to chat. Very often, when the passer by would ask her how she was doing, Velliammachi would say that she had to walk slowly because ’Ennike ichere heart unde” (literally:I have a bit of a heart, what she meant was that she had bit of a heart problem) to which the passer by would often laugh and say ‘Ammachi, We all have a heart”.

Mathenachayan on Tiruvalla Valliammachy:

Excerpt of letter from Mathenachayan, dated 31st December, 2017, regarding Tiruvalla Valliammachy:

I have seen dear Ammachi since my childhood, generally once a year when schools closed for summer vacation.  Vacation meant going to our mother's home in Kozhencherry and Tiruvalla was a necessary stop.  The Theepany home had many fruit trees in that extensive property and climbing trees and getting fruits was always an attraction in our boyhood years.  But what made our stay in Thiruvalla special was the warmth and endearing hopitality we felt in the home of "Kariachayan and Ammai" as my parents used to address your grandfather and grandmother. 

This annual 'pilgrimage' continued till I was out of college and I started working at U.C. College, Alwaye.  After a year of teaching there, I went away to North India working for L.I.C. at different stations.  Sadly, that made my visits to Thiruvalla rare.  I saw her only when she was healthy and active and that is the picture I still have in my mind.  I know that she was seriously ill in later years in Vellore under the care of Kunjachayan and Kochamma 

My uncle 'Matthachan' was taken care of by Ammachi when my grandmother passed away.  My paternal grandmother (Mariamma) was your grandfather's sister.  Another sister was Rosamma who passed away soon after giving birth to Unnimon whom Ammachi took care of.  Such generosity and tenderness of heart are rarely seen in families these days.

We all have relatives who have and are known for their special gifts and qualities.  Some are good by nature.  Some are kind hearted and empathetic. Some are deeply religious.  Some are known for their worldly wisdom and resourcefulness.  But Ammachy had all these qualities of head and heart and much more.  It is not an exaggeration to say that she was exceptional and an one of a kind person.  Apart from all her qualities, she also  used to dispense some special remedies for tonsillitis.  I think the ministry of healing runs in Pareppeedikayil family!

Santosh on Delhi-Appacha

Santosh, March 8th, 2018

Recently a memory of Delhi-Appacha (Leela and Ammu's dad) came to me. It was of his eyes, and the mischievous twinkle they always had. The memory came to me because of a student of mine who smiled with his eyes in a most remarkable way. He died by suicide at age 18 less than a month ago. 

Anyway, Delhi-Appacha did not visit us all that often in Vellore. But when he did, he seemed to bring a fresh box of sweets with him every day. I think that was the first time I had jilebees in hot milk. On one of his visits, he went to the local sports store (Vellore could only sustain two) and bought both of us hockey sticks and taught us how to oil them with linseed oil.

We really had no hockey team to speak of in Vellore, but later, when we were in boarding school in Hyderabad, I played goalie for my school team, with a moderate degree of success. Most of the useful lessons I learned in life came from the various playing fields I haunted as a child. And I am thankful to all those in my youth who made those experiences possible.

Bobby on Valliappachen

Bobby, March 6th, 2018

My memories of Valiappachen are brief(abt. 6 months) yet very fond.
In the fifties there were no English Schools in the Gulf, so I had to be sent to India. Valiappachen insisted I should stay with them. I must have been around 3 or 4.
He got me admission in a school called Wanidha Manniram(hope the spelling is right). He used to bathe me, dress me up, feed me, make my snacks for the break and saw me off on the rickshaw (the pulling one) which was specially arranged for me. He used to sit on the easy chair in the veranda waiting for my return. We used eat together making sure I am fed well.
In a couple of months he fell ill and was soon bedridden. With that my Manniram days were over. I stayed on in Tiruvalla till his death.
It was always a full house those days with most of the nephews and nieces with their children staying over. I remember the family prayers. We sat on the ground around Valiappachens bed. After the prayers all the children had to give Valiappachen a kiss. This was a daily ritual morning and evening.
I remember his last days. He suffered a bit.
Appachen has told me that none of them had seen this side of Valiappachen which I had the good fortune to experience and enjoy.

On Appachen and discipline via guava canes

Leela: Bobby used to ask valliappachen palla teetho. Meaning have you brushed ur teeth.

Ammu; Once Bobby said to valliapachen. Valliapachen pera kombu onde evade, when he annoyed Bobby.

Reggie: Kunjuappan, were tender branches  of guava trees used as canes in those days in Kerala? I know there were no Malala canes in Kerala then . If no, how should one interpret Ammu/a's observation. Her tonal recall is amazing, I can almost hear it said.

Ammu: I assure you valliapachen used to invoke guava branch to threaten. So Bobby 3 years old  repeated what valliapachen said to him when he was naughty

Leela: I think so. I spent 1 yr in kerala when maggiekochamma finished her college in delhi n I was sent off with her. Pera kombu was often refferrd to.

Reggie: Ok. I guess it answers my anthropological dilemma. Frankly, a good choice. Guava trees need to be pruned intensely, but make for poor fire wood given their, the wood i.a.  low thermal values. As instruments of corporal punishment they would have been the cane of choice.

They are also supple. Sting but don't maim.

Ammu: But Kunjachayan and chackochaya have experienced  the rod.

Leela Ashok Cl: Ño it was only a threat.

Reggie: So did Bangaloreappachan too I guess.

Ammu (Sweden): Amachy and Maggie Kochammai too. That is why they were so well behaved. Valliamacy used to inform the patriarch about the misdeeds  and fuel the discipline.

Ammu on Kochammai

Ammu, March 4th 2018

When Kochammai came to  Amalloor house  I came with an eraviparoor aunt to tiruvalla who wanted to meet the new bride.

I left amminikochamma on the road and ran into the house and told Kochammai to dress up because eraviparoor people were coming to see her.

Ammai remembers this incidence and laughed about it years later.

Reggie on Kunjappan

Reggie, March 4th 2018

Kunjuappan's post helped me mark a point in my personal time line. I do not have any direct memories of Thiruvalla Valliaappachan. I just calculated that I  was 107 days old when Valliaappachan passed away. Ofcourse  Ammachi has told me that he used to coddle me for sometime after I was bathed in the mornings.

I do however have a very vivid visual  memory about Kunjuappan's nuptial day. As kids, the whole bunch of us were herded together at the Communional Rail of the church which had some big trees at its entrance. From this point of vantage I remember him sitting  on a chair near the altar, in regulation whites, with his back to the congregation while waiting for the Bride. He had a book open on his lap and was ,  presumably?, reading. I wonder whether he calls its title? For reasons I can't figure out I suspect it was not the Bible.

Ammu on Valliammachy

Ammu, March 4th 2018

I remember how stoic valliamacy was and trace my stoice-ness to her through amachy.  Valliapachen was a true patriarch who gave familial  love and affection by being there and by providing security and wisdom with which he guided his children through their earlier lives.

Leela Mathai on Valliappachen

Leela Mathai, March 4th 2018

I do remember we went to see valliappachen perhaps during winter break as he was so unwell. He passed away after 2 mobths.

Although we went every summer my next rememberance is about Thampi when he was a few months old and all the travails that Maggiekochamma had to undergo. Valliammachy was rocksolid support.

P Zachariah on Appachen

P Zachariah, March 4th 2018.

Appachen passed away this day 60 years ago aged 68. His final days were very difficult with the ravages of advancing uremia, resulting from many decades of diabetes. I was the one best equipped to be of help, but I was away in Oxford in the middle of my Ph D programme, at a time when travel between India and Britain was still mostly by sea. Chackochayan was in Trivandrum and visited home almost every weekend. The nearest dear one was Maggiekochamma in Pallom, who held Ammachy’s hand through the ordeal. Appachen and Ammachy had a difficult life but were never wanting in generous hospitality and assistance especially to the extended family. Beginning with their own youngest brothers, a series of nephews and nieces on both sides of the family, at least 12, stayed with us for years together. After he became a widower, Mavelikara Valiappachen was also part of the family till he passed away. Nicholson School was the focus of Appachen’s career as indeed CMC was to become mine. Appachen tried hard to mediate in the inevitable family feuds often to no avail. He never tried to avoid manual labor and taught us to do whatever needed to be done in a do-it- yourself way. He walked gently and quietly through life, leaving few ripples, but adding to the depth of life for many.

By the way, I met KAnnamma for the first time this day, 56 years ago, also on a Sunday after the morning service in St. Mark’s, Bangalore. PZ