Ammu on Bengt

I want to document my memories of Bengt Eric Meynert, my Swedish husband, who passed away on the 2nd of March 2009 because of cancer.

I met Bengt through Ashok and Leela. Bengt and I started writing to each other with the intention of seeing if we could like each other enough to get married. I was working at GB Pant University of Agriculture and Technology at Pant Nagar in India.

After 1 and 1/2 years of correspondence  Bengt invited me to spend summer vacations with him in Sweden.  He sent me the ticket. I arrived in Copenhagen in my sari and a huge suitcase and cabin bag.

Before this Kunjachayan had already visited Bengt to whet him out  and had highly recommended  him.

My first impression of Bengt was a tall blue eyed blond haired Viking, hair bleached almost white. Bengt reminded me of my Profession and Supervisor, Dr Suresh Chandra Shukla,  at Jamia Millia Islamia where I was teaching and doing my PhD..

Any way I had been fed well on the plane and taken care off by a German journalist in Frankfurt who offered to carry my cabin bag because I was struggling with my Sari. We drove from Copenhagen to Yngsjo in his old Volvo which was nearly vintage.  I enjoyed the ride, talked a bit and then fell asleep.

I woke up as we drove into the Yngsjo cottage. Bengt jumped out and opened the door to the boot to let out the  dog, a Schnauzer called RABALDER, a Greek name. The dog immediately came up to me and wagged his tail and adopted me.

The cottage was beautiful something nearly out of Nainital, Shimla and Ooty. I was shown my pink room that Bengt kept for his guests. Soon I was taken for a walk in the Pine forest and the beach which was 3 minutes from the cottage. After a hearty meal - a fish pie, Bengt said signature dish, I fell into deep slumber.

The next 3 days passed swiftly and on the 4th day Bengt asked me to marry him. We went to the jeweler and bought 2 engagement rings with our names on each of them and exchanged them. The engagement was announced in the local newspaper.

I was to discover  later that Bengt was a well known man in this little town of Kristianstad, which had known him as a politician a few years ago, when he was the Liberal Folk Party leader  and leader of the right wing opposition to the Social Democratic municipality government. Now he was only a University teacher in Organizational Theory and a single handed sailor.

I went sailing for the first time on his yellow coloured yacht called “Savage Girl”. It was an exercise in balancing  on the boat that was rocking on Sea waves and throwing up.

Later I visited the town museum that housed local historical artefacts worth displaying; stayed with his brother Lennart´s family at an elite summer town called Bostad; visited his communist friend Lars Hansson and his family and finally went to a exclusive Swedish wedding of a colleague.

I returned to India engaged to be married to Bengt after 1 month and married Bengt after 6 months at the Parliament Street Free Church in Delhi. There were only 300 invites - immediate family and friends.

The honeymoon was travels to Taj Mahal, Khajuraho, Ahmedabad to  Ajanta and Ellora caves and finally Goa where we ate delicious King Prawns and Crabs and Lobsters.

I  arrived in Sweden to stay in February of 1985 and am still here in 2018- During this time I had to learn Swedish language which I mastered after 25 years. Went sailing with Bengt and his friends from Auhus to 3/4th way to Stockholm, found my sea legs and socialised every evening with sailing friends  I joined Lund University for PHD programme in Education.

In between I got a job with Swedish Foreign Affairs social action department,  the prestigious Swedish International Development Agency SIDA, in Addis Ababa,  Ethiopia as a Bilateral Associate Expert in a Women's Pilot Project.

Rest of the time I studied, worked,  wrote a book, attended conferences around the world and lived mostly a calm postmodern life between Lund and Yngsjo. After Bengt passed away in 2009, I have taken over the cottage and worked for a living.

Sweden is rewarding in certain ways - I learnt about wines  and international cuisine,  travelled to 32 countries, interacted with European discourses and did things I would not have done from India.

 I am now at cross roads not knowing whether to return back to India to my people after I retire or stay on and depend on the Swedish state in my old age.

Did I forget to say that Sweden is a Welfare State where poverty is not visible anymore. Schooling, University and Medical care is free.

Ammu on Maggiemamma

I have seen a photo of Maggiemamma carrying both me and Leela standing in Hailey Lane Delhi, where she lived with mummy and daddy and was studying at an elite college called Lady Irwin College. I was to later do my university studies here too.

I heard from Leela that after her Diploma in Home Science Maggie mama and Leela went to Kerala and stayed with Valiammachy and Valliapachen at Theepany for a year. Maggiemama  taught sewing at Nicholson school and later married Mathukuttychayan who was an eligible bachelor with an Engineering degree. We used to visit Maggiemama at Pallom where Mathukuttychayan was posted.

I came to know Maggiemama well after mummy came to live in Amalloor and mathukuttychayan  and Maggiemama lived at kuttapuzha. After appachen´s death mummy was alone and Maggiemama and Mathukuttychayan took care of her and visited her.

Maggiemama had a great sense of humour and took off on everyone including mathukuttychayan with his fetish for cleanliness. Her 3 sons - Thomachen, SAJAN and Thambi used to entertain us when we visited them with their Radio Kuttapuzha commentary of our visit.

Maggiemama was very important to mummy and later to me. I visited her and chatted with her while helping her in her kitchen. Those were desperate days when I was still not married despite efforts of all to bring eligible and ineligible bachelor´s to our notice.

I write what I recall vividly. Mercy was the beauty with voice of a bird, who later married Abbi and went to live in Mumbai. Sajan became a Naval Architect, Thomachen an Orthopaedic surgeon and Thambi an Associate Professor at St Stephens College in Delhi.

Mercy , Abbi and their children, Rajiv and Rita  are in Canada at this moment. I should be visiting and staying with them in Toronto in July 2018, when I go there for a Sociology Congress.

Ammu on Chackochayan

Chackochayan stayed with mummy and daddy at Hailey Road in Delhi when he came for an interview with the Police and stayed on for training. He and Maggiemama were probably  there with them together. Hailey Road was in Bengali Market where early malayalee settlers lived in Delhi in the early 50s.Mummy always kept in touch with everyone after they left and started their own families.
My 1st memory  of Chackochayan was when we visited them in Trivandrum after his marriage to Leelammai and when Reggie was an infant. I remember eating the top of a coconut tree that fell down in their neighbours compound in a storm.

Next I remember him when he came with Reggie to Delhi when he came for a months training.
In between Reggie lives with us and studies at St Thomas prep school and later joins his nuclear family in when Chackochayan got posted to Goa

Then Chackochayan  shifted to Delhi for several years where he retired as a director of police.
Amminikutty started studying at St Thomas which was nearly a family school because Leela. I, my paternal cousins Veena, Mary and Bessie and Reggie and Amminikutty studied.

Chackochayan used to bring Amminikutty everyday to school on his Lambretta and visit us in the morning and have coffee and a chat. Those were my Youth for Christ (YFC) days and I and Chackochayan were always talking about existential questions. I remember Chackochayan pulling me out of my crazy religious fervour and bringing down to earth.

Then in 1978 while I was working as a Lecturer  in Education  at Jamie Milliamp Islamic,  I fell out with my landlord Mr Nair who was a lawyer when I was living in a room above the garage in Niti Bagh. Mr Nair did not approve of my young Dhobi having tea at my little bed sitter and made  intrusive  comments. I was hurt and told Chackochayan who said I should come and live with them at RK Puram. So I lived with Leelammai and Chackochayan, George and Amminikutty for 3 years till I shifted to Pant Nagar to work as Assistant Professor at the Home Science College at the GB Pant university of Agriculture and Technology. Reggie was by then working in the State Bank of India in Madhya Pradesh.

I met Bengt while at Pant Nagar and visited Sweden for the 1st time before my marriage to Bengt.  I went from Chackochayan´s house where I used to come for holiday visits. I have had great dinner at their Asiana house too while I visited india from Sweden.

Now that Chackochayan is in Alwaye, I enjoy my visits to his home. We,talk 19 to the dozen about religious matters and eat at Leelammai's always full and varied table.

I have seen George and Amminikutty grow up and now they are both in Alwaye and doing well.
REGGIE I know also apart from chackochayan family.

Last time I visited Alwaye, Chackochayan had slowed down a bit, and was mostly relaxing and enjoying sleeping. He made a special effort while I was there and as always sent me to Delhi with his prayers and blessings. I hear chackochayan has picked up after his recent medical problem. I am hoping I will be meeting and enjoying Chackochayan+s company many more years still.

Ammu on Kunjachayan

KUNJACHAYAN is a star. He is the grey eminence of CMC - Vellore.  He is also the most brilliant of the Tiruvalla parepedicail family.

A D.PHIL in Physiology from Oxford and an MBBS and a MD from CMC Vellore in Physiology he became the Head of the Physiology Department  at CMC Vellore, a pro-Dean and pro-VC and a permanent board member of the CMC Vellore.

I remember Kunjachayan from my childhood, when he suddenly turned up after his Oxford education at Theepany. He taught us chess and Western table manners - we were allowed only cooked joints on the table and all elbows off. Our leisurely unmonitored holidays were over,

He was quite strict. We visited  Kunjachayan at Vellore before he was married and when he was the warden of the boys hostel. There was some indiscipline and kunjachayan looked and acted very stern with the male medical students.

He used to visit us on Delhi on the way to the West where he travelled to collect money for CMC Vellore. I remember going with Kunjachayan to the latest discotheque called “The Cellar” at Connaught Place with Leela. We left after sitting there for 20 minutes and reading the menu which was far too expensive for us and ended up a the Tibetan restaurant at Majnu ka Tila in old delhi where we drank soup and ate noodles for peanuts. Kochanamma kochamma may have been too happy with our Cellar visit.

Kunjachayan was instrumental in my marrying Bengt from Sweden.  Actually my marriage to Bengt was partly arranged by Ashok and partly a love story. After being introduced to Bengt by Ashok  we had a 2 year correspondence to get to know each other.

Then Bengt invited me to Sweden and talked of marriage.  I was not sure of western men so  I sent kunjachayan to Sweden when he was visiting Europe for Vellore to whet out Bengt. Kunjachayan crossed over to Sweden and was collected by Bengt at Copenhagen and spent  3 days with Bengt, where Kunjachayan tasted Bengt´s cooking - ate steak and drank Cognac with coffee. Kunjachayan  came back with glorious reports of Bengt and supported the match.

Following summer vacations I visited Bengt in Sweden and met his relatives and friends and got engaged. We were married on the 8th of December of 1984, after Prime Minister Indira Gandhi had been assassinated by her sentry. Of course kunjachayan was the master of ceremony at my wedding and introduced Bengt to everyone in his speech. Bengt was greatly appreciated by my friends in Delhi.

After Mummy passed away, Leela became my surrogate home and kunjachayan and Ammai have become an important site to visit every year.

I enjoy my intellectual  exchanges with Kunjachayan and his and ammai ' s solicitations and feel emotionally fulfilled  like I used to, after my visits to mummy.

I am so happy and fortunate that I have both Chackochayan and Kunjachayan in my family with whom I can discuss existential issues, personal life and life in general. I have come to know Anand closely because of my visits to vellore. I also visited Santosh and Anuja in Seattle for week in 2004, during my US travels.

Ammu on Johnychayan

I feel impelled  to recall my memories about Johnychayan and Thangammai. My first encounter with the Kuwait family was when we met them in Theepany during our summer vacations . We always got small gifts from Thangammai.

Leela's and mummy's  first nylon sari was a gift from Thakammai. Our first Radio  (Sony) was a gift from Johnychayan carried to Delhi from Kuwait. Daddy got a pin striped English suit length and finally all women in the Parepedicail family got a 3 sovereign gold bangle each.

Once Thangammai, Johnychayan  and Meera came to visit us in Delhi when we were living in Gole Market. We lived in a government bachelor's quarters type of lodging meant for single officers. Daddy had accepted this accommodation for his family of 4.  Mummy was so enterprising that she managed this accommodation for another 3 members during their visit.  It was not difficult because we slept outside on the lawn in summers.

Johnychayan took us to Moti Mahal restaurant in Kashmiri Gate for a dinner consisting of tandoori chicken,  Moti Mahal Urad-dal, Naans and salad.  We had such a luxurious meal and lots of fun.

Johnychayan generosity was unbound. When our Eraviperoor  house was to be sold because it became difficult for daddy to walk uphill from and to the marketplace from the house, Johnychayan immediately offered his house at Amalloor where ammachy and appachen spent many happy and comfortable years. It became the Tarawad home again, where everyone came for holidays and lived.

I have spent 1.month at Bangalore enjoying Thangammai' s hospitality, when I worked on a Planning Commission of India project with Devaki Jain.

Bobby's and Meera's hospitality, similar  to Johnychayan and Thangammai 's is unbound  and we always try to take a detour  to visit  them on our visits to the South.

My childhood was always kind of dominated by this family who lived and worked in Kuwait for the sheik no less.

Ammu on our life in Delhi and people who touched our lives

The Indo - Pak war happened when we were living at Gole Market and when Reggie was with us.  We dug trenches  and pasted brown paper on the glass windows to ensure that no light escaped our homes that could be detected by Pakistani bombers. When the siren sounded we would crouch  under the table lest a bomb would fall and send the ceilings crumbling down on to us and  thought that we would be protected by the table top. Those were frightening days.

My dad's brother Babypapen and his Tamilian Catholic wife Chellamamma are legendary figures who touched many lives with their hospitality. Many people including our family stayed at Minto Road with Babypapen when in need. Chellamama touched our lives with her kebabs and prawn pickle that she made and sold  at church fetes and to whom ever placed orders and ofcourse for her own table.  There was hardly any profit in these activities except affection and gratitude from the people. Chellamamma was also requested to run the Canteen at St Stephen´s hospital where Lucy aunty (Dr Lucy Ommen) was the Chief Medical officer and Director.

MINTO road was a place we would go to during Dussehra hindu festival around the Autumn school break, to see the street theatre processions of Ramayana. Chellamama had a child like personality and enjoyed this with us. Ammachy stayed away from the madding crowd. She was too refined for such plebeian activities.

Chakuttypapen my dad's youngest brother touched our lives when he had to leave Manipur where he was principal founder of a school for the tribal Nagas and his wife Annamamma also worked. Chakuttypapen had to leave Manipur in a hurry because he was identified with the Naga separatist movement.

They came and lived in Minto Road with Babypapen.  Chakuttypapen, Mary his daughter and I had a common interest on Basketball. He came for our practices and became patron of our club called Hoopsters. I was to become the Captain of the Delhi University Women's Basketball team in 1971 and be awarded the University Colour.

My cousin Mary later did her MBBS from the Armed Forces Medical College (AFMC) in Pune and marry Aroop Ray, a Bengali plastic surgeon she met at CMC Vellore, while doing her internship and lives in Glasgow. Both became consultants and Heads of Departments  of Pediatrics and plastic surgery and Skin, respectively.  Santosh knows them well when he was at Glasgow doing his PhD in Bio-Medicin.

I came away to Sweden and married a Swede, Bengt Eric Meynert who was a liberal party politician, a town councillor and Business Management teacher  at the Kristianstad University.

I started my PhD at Lund university and ended up with a Phil.Lic degree in Social Sciences and book on Childhood and Postmodernity, published  by Cambridge Scholars Publishers.

Leela a pediatrician ended up as a chief Medical Officer of a big dispensary in Mumbai and married Ashok - Palakunnathu George  Mathai, who retired as a very senior editor for Anand Bazaar Patrika. Their son Adit became a journalist  and is just now in between professions

My maternal cousin Reggie touched our lives when he came to live with us at Gole Market in Delhi, to study in an English medium school.

Reggie now is a farmer in Dahanu near Mumbai  growing  ecological Chikoo and drumsticks and other fruits and vegetables after being a banker and making his millions in Nigeria. His wife Mini is a journalist and a great cook and homemaker.

I have seen a photo of Maggie Kochamma carrying both me and Leela standing in the Hailey Lane cottage in Delhi, where she lived with mummy and daddy while studying at an elite college called Lady Irwin College, where I was to do my University studies too.

I heard from Leela that after her Diploma in Home Science Maggie mama and Leela went to kerala and stayed with Valiammachy and Valliapachen at Theepany for a year.

Maggiemama  taught sewing at Nicholson school and later married Mathukutty Chayan who was an eligible bachelor with an Engineering degree,

We used to visit Maggiemama at Pallom where Mathukutty Chayan was posted.

I came to know Maggiemama well after mummy came to live in Amalloor and mathukutty chayan  and Maggiemamma lived at Kuttapuzha. After appachen´s death mummy was alone and Maggiemamma and Mathukuttychayan took care of her and visited her.


Maggiemama had a great sense of humour and took off on everyone including mathukuttychayan with his fetish for cleanliness.

Her 3 boys - Thomachen, Sajan and Thambi  used to entertain us when we visited them with their Radio Kuttapuzha commentary of our visit.

Maggiemama was very important to mummy and later to me. I visited her and chatted with her while helping her in her kitchen. Those were the days when people were getting desperate because I was still unmarried and producing unsuitable matches for me.

I write what I remember vividly. Mercy was the beauty with voice of a bird, who later married Abbi, an engineer, and went to live in Mumbai.

Sajan became a Naval Architect,  Thomachen an Orthopaedic surgeon and Thambi an Associate Professor in Chemistry at St Stephen´s College in Delhi.

Mercy , Abbi and their children Rita and Rajiv are in Canada at this moment. I shall be visiting and staying with them in Toronto, where I am going to present a paper at the World Congress of the International Sociological Association in July 2018..

Sajan on travelling with Valliammachy to Tiruvalla

From my age of 5 to 10 we lived in Aluva, where my dad was posted. Every year during summer holidays, it was customary for all of us to travel to Tiruvalla to be with our grandparents, uncles, and cousins from both sides. Like all other children, we too looked forward for those days.


During one of those years, before the start of the summer holidays, Vallaimmachy was already with us at Aluva. The plan was that Valliammachy and we children would travel to Tiruvalla as soon as the schools closed for summer, and stay at Parepeedikayil house (the one near Pushpagiri Hospital). Appachen and Ammachy would join us at Tiruvalla a few weeks later or so. (This is how I remember it now. The actual details have left my memory.)

So Valliammachy and we kids started our journey by train to Tiruvalla on a hot and sultry day. We had a steel truck of clothes for all four children for a month of summer holidays. It was the steam engine driven train which used to be slow and dusty and smoky everywhere. The compartment was jam packed with passengers and kids of all hues, presumably travelling to their home town on holiday. We children were small and had no clue of anything and was looking at Valliammachy for all instructions. During this journey I still remember an incident where the steel window shutter came down heavily on a toddler who was fiddling with its latch. His loud scream that followed added to the pandemonium in the bogie.


Valliammachy, as we all remember was a great planner. She had already foreseen the scenario of her arrival at Tiruvalla railway station with four clueless children in tow. So she had written in advance to one of her nephews in Tiruvalla to come to the station to receive us all. This nephew's name was Kunj. I can't remember how he was related. I remember him to be actively involved in some Evangelical works. Maybe Kunjachayan can explain his link.

After about three long hours of journey, we reached Tiruvalla. The train stops at Tiruvalla station only for two minutes. By all probability, Valliammachy would have struggled to wriggle all four kids through the crowded passage and out of the train. She was happy to see her able assistant Kunj on the platform as planned. Exchange of pleasantries followed and the train's loud whistle marked its depatrure to the next station.


Suddenly Vallaimmachy realised that the steel trunk hadn't come out along with us. She rushed to the window side of the bogie asking the other passengers to pass it out. The train was jam packed and the box couldn't make its way to the door. The train had picked up speed by then.


What to do now? Valliammachy and four toddlers on summer holidays without a change of dress even for a day !!! What I am going to narrate next will bring out leadership and managerial skills of Valliammachy. Valliammachy didn't panic. She immediately decided the best course of action.

She told Kunj to quickly rush out of the station, take a taxi and rush to the next railway station, which was Chengannur, about 10 KM away. The taxis of those days were mostly the slow Morris Minor type. Kunj, an able bodied lad then, ran out as directed. We actually didn't see what transpired thereafter.


Left high and dry with no baggae, there was nothing else to do. So Valliammachy and the four kids took another taxi and reached Parepeedikayil house. After an hour or so, we saw a beaming Kunj arriving on his Ferrari taxi with the prized steel trunk. We learnt that the driver had driven at breakneck speed, overtaken the train and Kunj rushed to the platform of Chengannur station. The helpful fellow passengers in the bogie had by then managed to squeeze the steel trunk up to the compartment's door and held it high above the crowd for Kunj to spot it and retrieve.